Do You Believe In Voodoo? Guest Post from Tyler

A Bad Day For Voodoo

Promo by Jeff Strand

I’m Tyler Churchill. Not too long ago I had this insane adventure, with car chases and body parts coming off and everything, which I wrote about in the book A Bad Day For Voodoo. It’s not my job to say that it’s the best book ever written, but I will say that if you don’t read it, the following conversation will definitely take place:

[You're walking down the sidewalk, whistling the merry tune of your choice. Up ahead you see a friend.]

YOU: Hi, friend!

YOUR FRIEND: Hi, you! Crazy party last night, huh? I’ve never seen anybody eat that many pretzels without getting a drink of water!

YOU: And who brought the rhinoceros? I kept thinking “Whoa, somebody is gonna get tusked!” but nobody did, which is good because it would have been funny at the moment of impact, but not so funny once we got into the screaming and bleeding and ambulances.

YOUR FRIEND: Were you there for the ritual?

YOU: What ritual?

YOUR FRIEND: You’ll find out. [His or her expression darkens, and he/she gives you a wicked smile.] Oh, yes, you’ll find out.

YOU: Seriously, what ritual? There was a ritual? Where was I?

YOUR FRIEND: When the time is right, all will be revealed.

YOU: C’mon, tell me what the ritual was! You can’t just throw something like that out into the conversation and then not give answers! Tell me! I need resolution! Resolution!

YOUR FRIEND: I was just kidding. We were all sitting around playing Words With Friends on our phones. Somebody played “rhinoceros” on a triple-word score, which was pretty ironic. Actually, I played “rhino” first and they added “ceros.” So what did you think of A Bad Day For Voodoo?

YOU: That new book? I didn’t read it.

[Several onlookers gasp.]

YOUR FRIEND: Excuse me?

YOU: I said I haven’t read it.

YOUR FRIEND: You…you…you haven’t read A Bad Day For Voodoo?

YOU: No. That’s okay, isn’t it?

YOUR FRIEND: Okay? Okay? Don’t you understand what this means? It means that you’re not cool!

YOU: But that’s not possible! I do cool things all the time!

YOUR FRIEND: It doesn’t matter! This is the book that will define our generation! If you’re ever on a game show and the host says “For twenty thousand dollars, please give us the definition of your generation,” you could hold up A Bad Day For Voodoo and win the twenty thousand dollars!

YOU: But…but…but…but…but…but…but…I thought it was just a silly book!

[Your friend shakes his or her head and sighs.]

YOUR FRIEND: No. It is not.

SOME GUY WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE IN THE AREA AND IS EAVESDROPPING ON THE CONVERSATION: You really haven’t read A Bad Day For Voodoo? Wow. I heard that those people existed, but I never thought I’d see one outside of a zoo.

YOU: You don’t have to be a jerk about it.

YOUR FRIEND: Yes, he does.

YOU: Oh.

YOUR FRIEND: I never knew you were so uncool. It’s like our whole friendship was a lie.

YOU: You’re making too big of a deal out of this.

YOUR FRIEND: Do you see all of those weird-looking colorful waves that are coming out of people’s eyes?

YOU: Ack! Yes! What are those?

YOUR FRIEND: Those are waves of judgment. Everybody is judging you. This will follow you around for the rest of your life.

YOU: No! I don’t believe you!

[You get hit by a car.]

YOU: Ow! Ow!

YOUR FRIEND: That’s what happens when you don’t read A Bad Day For Voodoo. Bad luck follows you everywhere. Watch out for that circular saw blade.

YOU [quickly ducking]: Aaah! That circular saw blade almost took my head off!

YOUR FRIEND: And you’ll need your head to read A Bad Day For Voodoo! Do you understand now?

[A monkey jumps out of a tree and starts punching you in the neck.]

YOU: I understand! I understand!

YOUR FRIEND: Your coolness meter is running out quickly, but there is still time to replenish it! Run to a bookstore or an internet and buy A Bad Day For Voodoo! Hurry, before it’s too–

[The earth begins to crumble around your feet.]

YOUR FRIEND: Oh no! It’s too late! The world needed your coolness! It’s the only thing that kept us from being all dystopian and stuff!

[Zombies--fast or slow, your choice--show up and start eating people.]

PEOPLE CURRENTLY BEING EATEN [in unison]: Nooooooo!

YOU: What have I done? What have I–

[Suddenly you wake up screaming.]

YOU: It was all a dream! Only a terrible, terrible dream! In fact, the book A Bad Day For Voodoodoesn’t even really exist!

SOMEBODY (YOU’RE NOT SURE WHO): Yes, it does. It’s just not out yet. But it will be in June 2012. And you’d better buy it, or the next time you wake up screaming, Effie Trinket will be drawing your name for tribute.

YOU: Then I shall mark my calendar, or better yet, pre-order a copy of A Bad Day For Voodoo right now!

See? You may think I made all of that up, but I assure you that my only concern is for the safety of the world. And even if you don’t care about the world, you should read about the time that my history teacher Mr. Click falsely accused me of cheating on a test, and my friend Adam got a voodoo doll of him, and I jabbed it with a pin during class, and things went wrong, wrong, wrong!

My girlfriend Kelley, who is smarter than both of us combined, also got caught up in the whole thing, and you will not believe the kind of stuff that happened. It’s crazy! I mean, we ran into this one family who…well, you don’t want spoilers, but it was one messed-up family.

Oh, the book is my completely true story, but the publisher put the name “Jeff Strand” on the cover, because of some sort of ransom demand. Just ignore that.

Okay, so, you know what to do, right? Awesome. See you in June.

————————————

About A Bad Day for Voodoo by Jeff Strand:  When your best friend is just a tiny bit psychotic, you should never actually believe him when he says, “Trust me. This is gonna be awesome.”

Of course, you probably wouldn’t believe a voodoo doll could work either. Or that it could cause someone’s leg to blow clean off with one quick prick. But I’ve seen it. It can happen.

And when there’s suddenly a doll of YOU floating around out there—a doll that could be snatched by a Rottweiler and torn to shreds, or a gang of thugs ready to torch it, or any random family of cannibals (really, do you need the danger here spelled out for you?)—well, you know that’s just gonna be a really bad day…


A Bad Day For Voodoo comes out today!

Book review: Caring Is Creepy by David Zimmermann

Title: Caring Is Creepy

Author: David Zimmermann

Series: stand-alone

Genres: contemporary, general fiction

Publication: April 3, 2012

Publisher: Soho Press

Received for review through Netgalley

This is quite a creepy book. Some reviewers list is as young adult, but I don't think it is. Not at all. Some pages made my skin crawl.

Fifteen-year-old Lynn Marie is going though a difficult summer. Her mother is almost never around because she works long hours as a nurse; her mother's boyfriends seems involved in some drug-dealing business; and her best friend just got an Internet connection. Together, the two girls build different fake personas to chat with men  and "mess with their heads". Until, one day, Lynn tells her real name to a guy named Logan.

Logan is a 25-year-old soldier serving at a nearby base. He has been in Afghanistan and suffers from PTSD, although we learn it only later. He and Lynn arrange to meet. Then he decides to run away from the army and hide in Lynn's closet. Things just go downhill from there. Soon, Lynn is holding Logan prisoner. Plus, the local drug lords are targeting Lynn and her mother.

This is a very creepy book, and the plot developed in a way I would've never imagined. As soon as Logan was introduced, my brain started to scream, "Statutory rape!", but between Logan and Lynn I'd say Lynn has the upper hand. And not only because he's delirious and hiding naked in a closet. As soon as Lynn made the Summer of My German Soldier reference, I knew things weren't going to end well for Logan. I can't remember the book very well, but I do recall there is no happy ending.

Still, I'd have to argue on Lynn's sanity. Is she crazy? Meeting a strange man for the first time in a hidden place, and going with him on a ride on his car? Taking him into his house? Keeping him prisoner? And yeah, when a strange man with bad intentions comes to her house, why doesn't she call the police immediately? Or even her mum?

I don't know if I enjoyed this book. I'm not sure. Half of the time I felt my skin crawling. If you like that and want to be surprised, this book is for you.

Cover attraction: I like it. It's creepy, like the book. Job well done.

P.S. Since this is the last day of May, I guess this is going to be the last book review for Netgalley Month. I'm almost sad it's over, and I'm afraid I have now even more galleys to review than a month ago (I might have gobne a bit overboard with the Harlequin books, even though Random House and Bloomsbury don't like me and reject all my requests.) I might have to make it a Netgalley Semester. 

Book review: One Moment by Kristina McBride

Title: One Moment

Author: Kristina McBride

Series: stand-alone

Genres: contemporary YA

Publication: 26 June 2012

Publisher: Egmont USA

Received for review through Netgalley

This book was available as "read now" on Netgalley, plus everyone had been raving about it, so of course I had to get it for myself. It was okay, a good book, but maybe just a bit predictable.

Maggie is about to start the summer before her senior year of high school with great expectations. She has a tight group of friends and an awesome boyfriend, Joey. But when Joey dies after jumping off a cliff, Maggie suffers from amnesia. They were supposed to jump off the cliff together, but at the last moment she stopped, and can't remember anything afterwards. 

While she recalls the events of the last few days, Maggie discovers Joey was keeping secrets from her. She starts to feel uneasy and is desperate to remember, but all she gets is small flashes at unexpected moments. The truth will threaten to break apart her group of friends forever.

Either I've read way too many YA books and have become good at predicting what happens next, or this book is indeed predictable. As soon as Joey's bracialet was mentioned (on page three or so), I had the feeling he was keeping secrets. And I had a good hunch Adam was keeping secrets, too. I guess I should start reading thrillers if I want to be surprised by plot twists.

I didn't like Joey from page one. He was the kind of boy I would've liked to beat on the head with a stick, always so focused about themselves. Not to mention his recklessness. Forgive me for saying this, but I felt he had gone looking for it. Who jumps off a cliff, especially if there are rocks nearby? Don't you know it's dangerous? As for Maggie's friend Shannon, I wonder why all girls on YA books with that name are bitches? No idea. Maggie, on the other hand, was easy to relate to.

All in all, an okay book, but it didn't make me go crazy. I'd recommend this book to lovers of contemporary YA.

Cover attraction: pretty. It seems calm and relaxing to me, and I'm not sure this was the intent. Nice touch with the water.

Book review: We Sinners by Hanna Pylvanien

Title: We Sinners

Author: Hanna Pylväinen

Series: stand-alone

Genres: general fiction

Publication: August 21, 2012

Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.

Received for review through Netgalley

We sinners, we are just lying to ourselves, we are just alone.

I requested WeSinners for review on netgalley because I was fascinated with the excerpt I found on the promotional BEA ebook. It's quite an unusual book.

We Sinners tells the story of the Rovaniemis, a family of eleven (!) of Finnish descent living in modern-day Michigan. They are deep believers of the Laestadianism, a conservative Christian faith which frowns upon drinking, dancing, birth control, make up, TV, and music with a beat. Each chapter is told from the perspective of a different family member. It's hard for them to make ends meet, keep their faith, and find their own individuality in such a large family. Eventually, three of the children abandon the religion, and this severs some of the family ties.

First of all, I had never heard of Laestadianism before, so I had to look it up on Wikipedia. It turns out it's like a strict version of Lutheranism which is particularly spread in Scandinavian countries. Anyway, it's not like you need to understand the details in order to get the meaning of the book. What believers can or cannot do is very clear: the girls can't even wear nail polish. Birth control is strictly forbidden (thus the large number of children, even though the repeated C-sections threaten their mother's life). One of the boys comes out as gay, and leaves the family as well as the religion. When his partner dies, his parents don't even attend the funeral.

I've often wondered why people would subject themselves to lives so deeply controlled by religion. I find it very hard to understand. The author was part of Laestadianism, so I'm sure she knows what she's talking about. There are no real answers in the book, other than the fact that everyone needs to find an answer for themselves. 

I found this to be a very poetic book; the storytelling is almost lyrical. As each chapter is told from the perspective of a different character, the narration is not linear, but evolves as in small circles. Sometimes I would've liked to stay with some characters longer than just a chapter, I would've wanted to find out what happened to them afterwards. It's an effective narrative choice, anyway.

Cover attraction: it gives the idea of a very large family. Each family member is there. It's not particularly impressive, but does its job.

Book review: The Fake Boyfriend Experiment by Stephanie Rowe

Title: The Fake Boyfriend Experiment

Author: Stephanie Rowe

Series: stand-alone

Genres: contemporary YA, romance

Publication: April 2012

Publisher: self-published (originally published by Harper Collins in 2006, then revised by the author for this new edition)

I usually don't review self-published titles, because the grammar and spelling mistakes bug me to no end. But I actually liked this one.

Lily Gardner spent the summer practising piano instead of having fun. She's preparing for an important audition to enter a piano program, following her parents' wishes. She used to like playing piano very much, but now feels she'd rather do something else. So, her piano teacher arranges for her to play the keyboards in her nephew's rock band. 

Lily immediately falls for the guy, Rafe - a tattooed bad boy with a kind heart. Unfortunately, he's already taken. Plus, Lily's friends pressure her into finding a boy to take her to the school semi-formal. In order to feel normal, Lily starts to tell lies - she teels her friends she's dating Rafe, and Rafe that she's dating a football player. At a certain point, of course, things go downhill, and Lily's lies are revealed.

I liked this book because I appreciate romances - I used to read almost nothing else a few years ago. True, the characters here don't have much depth to them. Lily's friends are really shallow - I'd ditch them without a secodn thought if I were in her shoes. Rafe is a nice guy, even though he's a bit of a womanizer - he was together with all the girls in his band! If I were Lily, I'd be afraid of him leaving me for a shiny new model after a while.

On the good side, the concert at the middle grade school when all of Lily's lies are revealed was a nice scene. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. We've all experienced at least one episode like that in our lives, but being the spectator is almost fun.

I'd recommend this book to lovers of YA romance and happy endings. 

Cover attraction: so we have yet another girl-whose-face-can't-be-seen cover. I'm not a big fan of those. Plus, we have the extensively tattooed arms of the fake boyfriend in question (I seriously hope Rafe's tattooes are nothing like this, because I find them quite scary). As a whole, this cover doesn't make me go crazy, btu it's not that bad, either.